


I'll Find You Another Time (I'll Love You Another Time)

by 9crimes



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, love is pain, oliver's life is a tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-29
Updated: 2014-03-29
Packaged: 2018-01-17 09:56:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1383238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/9crimes/pseuds/9crimes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She gets engaged on a Friday night. Good, he thinks, She deserves happiness (Felicity, he thinks her name over and over, his own personal litany)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Find You Another Time (I'll Love You Another Time)

**Author's Note:**

> so these are the tags from when I first posted this on tumblr and I think they pretty much describe why I wrote this fic:
> 
> #I feel like everyone always focuses on how Felicity has brought light and joy to Oliver's life#which is 300% true#but i just had this scene appear in my head about felicity telling oliver that no he hasn't ruined her life#he's actaully made it better#because she 110% believes in what they're doing#what she's doing#and I think she is so glad he showed up in her life and just took it by storm#she would't have it any other way#and oliver needs to know that#so of course i framed in a really angsty story because well#i'm fucked in the head and obsessed with oliver x felicity as angsty mcangstersons

She gets engaged on a Friday night. Good, he thinks, She deserves happiness ( _Felicity_ , he thinks her name over and over, his own personal litany).

His mother insists they throw Felicity and her fiancé an engagement party. Oliver smile-grimaces and nods his head because of course, that is only appropriate. Felicity deserves it.

He knows his mother is a pro but he can’t help making sure everything is perfect. He can’t give Felicity much, but he can give her a really amazing party.

When she walks down the staircase of the mansion in a gorgeous pink gown ( _not feeling like dancing with you right now, Oliver)_ she smiles and he feels it in the pit of his stomach. She’s beautiful and he’s never been more aware.

He stopped denying how he feels about Felicity a long time ago (to himself, that is). So the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever he looks at her? He’s used to that. He’s known for a long time that he’d never have her ( _I just think it’s better to not be with someone I could really care about)._

Tonight makes it real.

And it’s…difficult. More difficult than he had anticipated.

To this world, Felicity Smoak is his assistant. So it’s not as if he can even treat her as the friend she is, _best_ friend that is. He calls her Ms. Smoak and she calls him Mr. Queen ( _Nooo Mr. Queen was my father)_

After he makes a toast to the happy couple (his mother wrote it, which, he normally would have protested. But it’s not as if he was extremely eager to write it, either) he excuses himself onto the balcony.

He needs a few minutes.

(He needs a few minutes, just a few minutes, where he’s not living a lie)

‘Hey’

He hears Felicity’s voice from behind him and if his fists clench when she puts a hand on his shoulder…well he’s done pretending she doesn’t affect him.

‘What are you doing out here?’

She’s smiling as she moves beside him and rests her arms on the balcony railing.

‘Looking for you. Well that’s a lie, your mother’s friends are _very_ fond of Jack. Thought I’d give them a chance to sweep him off his feet’.

He turns to look at her and she’s still smiling.

She’s so happy.

He thinks if he were less selfish, less of an asshole, he wouldn’t have this pang in his chest every time he sees her smiling because of another man.

She’s found someone she can tell about her day, someone who knows what she does with her nights and accepts that (Jack is a detective with the SCPD. Lance introduced him to Felicity during a particularly bad time in the Arrow business. The rest, he supposes, is history).

It’s everything she deserves. He knows this. He can’t make her any happier than she is now, and that’s the truth.

But he still wants her.

‘Oliver!’ She’s looking at him now, brows furrowed and lips pursed ( _Well I think…I think you deserve better)._

‘Where’d you go?’

‘Right here. Sorry, the stars are beautiful tonight, huh?’

She’s not buying it (she never does) but she lets it go and her face relaxes into a smile.

‘Everything is beautiful tonight! Seriously, Oliver, this is so much more than you had to do…this whole night has been perfect. Thank you’.

She’s so sincere and he’s not sure how they made it here, to the point where she’s thanking him for throwing her engagement party.

‘Well you know my mother. Nothing but the best for you’.

She laughs at that because, well, Moira Queen and Felicity Smoak? Not exactly the Gilmore Girls. But there is a mutual respect there, and if tonight’s grandeur is any indication, a lot more fondness than Moira lets on.

There’s a silence after that, but it’s not uncomfortable. He can’t count the number of times they’ve sat on some rooftop in silence, whether it be on top of the Club, on top of her apartment building, random rooftop in the city.

A million opportunities for him to…well, it doesn’t matter. He didn’t take those opportunities.

He takes this opportunity, though, to just _be_ with Felicity. He knows she’s not going anywhere, she assured him that Jack was totally on board with her continuing involvement in Team Arrow ( _‘no one calls us that’ ‘I do. Occasionally.’)_ and then she’d rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath _as if I need his permission._ But still…she’ll be married soon. And he won’t be allowed to think of her…the way he thinks of her now.

After a few minutes Felicity looks up at him and breaks the silence.

‘Oliver, I need to thank you’

‘You just did – ‘

‘Not…for the party. I need to thank you for…everything’.

He’s about to interrupt her but she holds her hand up to stop him.

‘I just need to say this’.

He gives her a nod.

‘I know you think…you think you’ve messed up my life in some way. You think by showing up in my backseat that night with a hole in your chest that you ruined my life’.

He’s holding his breath…she’s not wrong.

‘But you’re so wrong about that, Oliver Queen. So wrong. You _saved me_. In more ways than one, I mean you’ve _literally saved my life_ like a million times! But I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about…I was lonely. I was stuck. I liked my job, sure, but I was just so _bored._ I wanted to do amazing things, I knew I was capable of it, I dreamed about it, but I just didn’t…I didn’t know how, I guess. I didn’t have the confidence, and I had no one pushing me to do better or to experience things. And then you came along, bleeding in my backseat, asking me to help you. And for the first time, I wasn’t sure if I was up to it. Same thing when you asked me to join your vigilante-ing. I had NO idea what I was doing, Oliver. And it was scary. But…those first few weeks, I could just tell that you were capable of so much more than your obsession with revenge. I think even then I knew you could be a hero. And I wanted to be part of that, too. It was exactly the challenge, the experience, the adventure I had been waiting for. It became so much more, though, over the years. I know now that this is what I was meant to do. You gave me a family…you, Digg, Roy, Thea, Sara…I’m not sure you all even realize what it means to me, having you as my family, and that’s why I’m telling you this. You need to know what you’ve done for me. So thank you, Oliver, for everything’.

There’s a tear running down her cheek and on instinct he cups her face and wipes it away with his thumb.

He supposes it’s also instinct when she leans into his hand and closes her eyes ( _You will always be my girl, Felicity)_.

‘ _Felicity…_ ’

He instantly regrets whispering her name because it causes her to back away from his touch.

‘No it’s ok, I’m ok. You don’t even have to say anything. I just…I wanted you to know’.

Their eyes are locked, and, like so many times before, it’s as if neither of them can find it in themselves to look away.

He's so caught off guard by everything she just said, everything it means. He thinks it's typical of him, that he had never even considered her reasons for being part of what they do had so much more to it than just helping _him_. All these years he'd blamed himself for putting her in danger, and she was _happy,_ doing something she loved. Just like he was.

Before he can really start to agonize over what could have been if he was less of a selfish asshole and had ever actually had this conversation with her prior to tonight, Thea bursts through the glass doors and whisks Felicity away, claiming an emergency with the cake.

A bit later, Digg joins him.

They don’t speak, but when Digg claps a hand on his shoulder, it’s his own cheek a tear runs down.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in a happier ending I outlined one here: http://suddenlywewerefriends.tumblr.com/post/78456219231/ill-find-you-another-time-ill-love-you-another-time


End file.
